When I was pregnant I'd really look forward to my antenatal appointments. I thought the midwife would have lots of questions to ask me, I’d be able to ask loads of my own, and I’d come out with tonnes of information and feeling reassured.
But in reality, my mind went blank as soon as I got there, the midwives often only had time to whizz through the basic questions and checks, and it often felt like each appointment was a whirlwind. I usually came out feeling more overwhelmed and even LESS reassured. I didn’t feel like I wanted to take up anymore time than I needed to, but then felt annoyed with myself afterwards for not making the best use of the time.
If this is you too, here are my tip tips to help BOSS those appointments!
1. Ground yourself before your appointment.
If you’re feeling anxious, take some time to ground yourself before the appointment. Use your hypnobirthing breathing techniques (and if you haven’t done a hypnobirthing course, just try to take some nice slow breaths). This can help slow your heartbeat, reduce the adrenaline in your system and help you stay calm - which gives you a better chance of getting what you want to from the appointment.
Hypnobirthing can give you lots of tools and techniques to help you practice relaxing and staying calm, and the more you do then the quicker they will work in this kind of scenario.
I spent a lot of time in the waiting room at Croydon maternity unit doing this!
2. Try to see you and your midwife/consultant as a TEAM.
It's easy to see your medical team as the 'experts', and go with everything they suggest. But you're the expert in YOU, and you don’t always have to do what they say. You always have options.
If you’ve done some research into your birth preferences and know what’s important to you, and go into appointments being clear what you want from YOUR birth, you can put that relationship on a more equal footing from the off.
3. Write your wish list in advance
Have a think beforehand what you want to know, and feel like, when you come out of the appointment. By writing down in advance what you'd like to get out of your appointment, you won't forget.
When you go in there make it clear straight away that you have some things you want to cover - this will help set the vibe that it’s an equal conversation, and that you have control over how it goes.
4. Bring someone else along
Sometimes when you’re in an appointment your mind can go a bit blank, and it can be hard to take information in. This can be especially difficult if you hear something you don’t like or weren’t expecting - your nervous system will release adrenaline, and you might not hear everything.
If you think you might struggle to understand what's being said, or to articulate your response, bring someone trusted along. They might spot things that need clarifying, or questions you haven't thought of.
5. Use BRAINS
You might be asked to make a decision about something during an appointment. If you want to make sure you’re doing the right thing for you, take some time to consider the following:
What are the BENEFITS?
What are the RISKS?
Are there any ALTERNATIVES?
What is your INTUITION telling you?
What would happen if you did NOTHING for a period?
The last one can sometimes be the most important one - what would happen if you didn’t make a decision for now, and just carried in as you are? For example, if you’re being offered an induction - what would happen if you left it another day, or week? The answer to this question could be a big factor in helping you decide, and giving you a bit of breathing room.
If you’re being asked to consider an induction, check out my previous blog - ‘Should I have an induction?’.
And STAY POSITIVE once you've made your decision!
6. Get some space if you need to
If you feel overwhelmed or like you need some time to process what's being said, don't be afraid to ask for some space. Step outside if you need to, go to the toilet - whatever you need to help you think.
And it’s rare that you will need to make immediate decisions about things - ask if you can go away and sleep on it, then contact your medical team the next day or at a following appointment to discuss it further.
7. Take notes or record the appointment
Bring along a pen & paper to make notes during the appointment - even if what’s being said doesn’t seem complex or like something you’ll forget, taking the time to write things down could help give you a chance to process and reflect.
You also have the right to record your medical appointments - if you’re told you can’t for confidentiality reasons this is nonsense - it’s YOUR medical information.
8. Confirm contact details
Before you leave the appointment, confirm how best to get back in contact if needed - sometimes there will be multiple numbers on your notes and it can be hard to work out which one you need.
Make a note of the midwife/consultant's name so you can try to speak directly to them or their team.
Keep this handy so you can run through it before your next appointment!
And if you’re interested in finding out more about how hypnobirthing can help you stay calm before and during antenatal appointments, as well as helping you work with your body during labour and giving you the power of knowledge and CONFIDENCE, check out my hypnobirthing courses here.
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